miss u ...

it's those small moments when ur the first person i think of to tell one of my stories to but can't anymore, that makes me realize how much i (already) miss u. <3

can guys and girls be friends?

I read this in the Windsor Star this morning and i'd have to say i agree with it 100%.  unfortunately this has my name written all over it.  Posted by:  Lori Isber.

When I was 15, my mom and I had an intellectual discussion about friendship and attraction:

Me: Gawd, Mom of COURSE men and women can TOTES be friends UGH.
Mom: Grow up. It’s not possible.

A recent study settled the argument and confirmed what I already thought: men and women can totes be friends. But it added a new question: Should they? What we are are really asking here is can friendship exist when there is the possibility of physical attraction.  From talking to a few (actual) friends and acquaintances, the answer is a resounding maybe. Friendships can be life-affirming. Friends, of any gender, remind us we’re not alone. Or not.

We complicate friendship by using the term “friend” to denote “someone I don’t want to call my significant other but don’t want to stop hanging out with.”  “Friend” can sometimes be the fog we lower on feelings we don’t want to admit are there.

Sometimes, people accept the “friend” label because it’s all they can get from someone they are attracted to.

My friend Valerie started to have feelings for a male friend. She expressed her interest. He expressed his interest in making it work with his on-again off-again girlfriend. Val didn’t take “friend” for an answer. Like the plucky intern who takes the job hoping to be promoted, she took her title seriously and became SUPERFRIEND:

“I just tried to be the best possible friend. I was like, oh, you don’t want to date me? Well, I’ll just be around you and be amazing and then one day you’ll turn and realize you love me.”
“I obsessed over what to get him for his birthday. He loves the Beatles so I got him a Beatles-themed birthday gift wrapped in Beatles wrapping paper. I should have attached a card that said SEE HOW WELL I KNOW YOU WHY DON’T YOU DATE ME?”

Valerie didn’t get promoted; she just got annoyed.

“Now, I can’t even see him without getting worked up. And if his girlfriend is there it’s even worse.”

Similarly, Brian came to me exhausted. He was in a full-blown romantic relationship, without the sex but with all of the screaming fights and emotional blackmail. But they were “friends.”

“We were never really friends,” he admits. “It was just a label that she put on things so she could keep talking with me without getting in too deep. She played games. It was unhealthy. I would accuse her of being distant and she’d yell at me that she never wanted to talk to me again, and hang up on me. Then three days later, I’d get a text that said ‘How’s it going?’ like nothing had happened. It. Was. Insane.”

Both Brian and Valerie acknowledged that there may be more danger in the term “friend” than they expected. They also found it especially difficult to climb out of their predicaments. There’s no definite break-up with a friend. No burning of the friend’s belongings. No clean break and move on.

Brian thinks it’s finally over. Probably.

“I asked her to stop contacting me. It’s been a couple of weeks and she hasn’t. But I can’t get her out of my head. How can I grieve for what I never really had?”

In order to help you avoid the trappings of fake friendships, I’ve compiled some handy, completely unscientific tips to tell if you are actually friends or not:

1. Can you tell your friend about your current romantic relationship without feeling awkward? If the answer is “yes,” proceed with your friendship, if it’s “no,” ask yourself why not?

2. Would you describe your friend as “like my brother/sister?” This is a tricky one – some of the people I talked to feel like this is a protesting too much sign that you actually have romantic feelings for the person. I know, ew. But I had a friend who always referred to her friend Jim as “like her brother.” They are now married. I know, ew.

3. Say screw it and do it anyway. How else are we going to have paintings, songs and novels about unrequited love? Take it away, Robyn.

future interview ...

i was searching the net tonight as i often do.  i seriously can't get enough of learning how to be a successful entrepreneur.  not only that ... but to build a business from scratch - create a solid idea, a plan, and ultimately success!  i was reading multiple articles on Inc. and i came across this one.  i couldn't help but sit and imagine how i would answer each question should it be me down the road one day, so i did just that.  here is kinda how my interview would go ...

This week's guest is Heather Carpenter of Windsor, ON. After years of having drive and desire to WANT to be a business woman, she finally found her outlet and so the road of success began.  Heather may not have become an over-night success, but with determination, her vision soon enough made herself well known over the net and into the lives and homes of many.

Q. Heather, when you started your company did you have a plan in place, or did you just 'wing it?'

A. I had an idea in place and a firm structure.  I couldn't help but eagerly learn and research on how to develop my idea to become the most successful it could be.  Slowly that structure began to grow the more I learned of the possibilities at hand.

Q. Looking back, what would you say are the two important personal qualities or characteristics that are most responsible for your success?

A. Creativity and perseverance.

Q. Have you ever had a mentor or a coach?

A. Believe it or not ... the internet was my coach.  There are so many unlimited free resources online that anyone wanting to be an entrepreneur can belief from.  I would love reading the stories of young entrepreneurs.  I would think "If they can do it, so can I!".  Entrepreneur.com and Inc.com became 2 favourites on my desktop and I would visit their inspiring articles regularly from and early start.  Donald Trump and Mark Zuckerberg were definitely on my reading list as well - 2 very successful individuals in very different ways!

Q.  Heather, what was the key motivating factor in your drive and determination to become your own boss?

A. I wanted to be seriously and creatively challenged in something I enjoyed.  I love when my mind is allowed to explored and dream rather than be trapped within  limited boundaries.  I also enjoy learning how to do a little bit of everything but also to be great at it.  The thought of working for someone else and being successful at it is great ... but the thought of coming up with a whole new idea, birthing it, and seeing it come to full maturity would be just plain AWESOME!  That is where I found my mind drifting to continually.  

Q. Was funding ever an issue for you? If so, how did you solve the problem?

A. I'm pretty frugal and would continually think of creative ways to incorporate as low of expenses as I could for starting my business.  I wanted to come up with something that was minimal to start and then would begin to fund itself.  That was an exciting part for me and made my mind think that much harder to come up with creative ideas.

Q. What was your most challenging moment to date and how did you overcome it?

A. My most challenging moment was coming up with my business idea.  I found myself with tons of drive, readiness and excitement to start this new adventure but was unable to pinpoint what I wanted to do.  I would continue to learn about how to generate a successful business and learn about the wants and needs of people hoping to eventually have that "aha!" moment until finally there is was ... "AHA!"

Q. What is the greatest reward in running your own business?

A. I've always enjoyed mission work but felt somewhat limited to be able to do this.  I wouldn't want it to affect my co-workers with being off or having it be an inconvenience to anyone.  With having my own business, even when I am away the business is still up and running even if I am away from a limited time.  And probably the thing I enjoy most is that I get paid to do something I love!

Q. Do you have a 'top strategy' for success that you'd like to share?

A. "Work smarter, not harder".  We've all heard it but my mind can't help but default to this thinking and constantly looks for opportunities to do this.  I enjoy this because it continually challenges me think outside of the box.

Q. Heather, entrepreneurs are idea machines, and that's great. But sometimes too many good ideas can clutter the picture and stop progress. How did you harness your best ideas and bring them to fruition?

A. I write everything down.  EVERYTHING.  I am the note queen, haha.  I would always have at least a couple of notebooks handy around my place that I would write down my thoughts, ideals, and articles I'd read so I would know where to find them.  Even if I did nothing with them I found writing them down made them stick.  I have always been a very distracted person when it came to something I was uninterested in.  However, when it was something I enjoyed, I would become completely engaged and was like a dog with a bone and could easily harness my thoughts and ideas.  This is when i knew it was time to do something with them!

*NEW* my Scentsy blogs ...

see my first 2 Scentsy blogs here.

Often I've been asked "What is Scentsy?" well in my first Scentsy video, I'm not only going to tell you ... I'm going to show you many of their products first hand.

For any questions or to join my mailing and email list, please visit my website at www.heather-marie.scentsy.ca

This blog goes through my own personal Scentsy website to show where to find everything.

It also reviews the MAY 2012 deal of the month which is this: for the month of May 2012 send me you mailing address AND email address to start receiving the scent and flyer of the month and you will be entered into a draw to win a $20 Starbucks gift card. Also, if you join my team for the month of May 2012, you will automatically receive a $20 Starbucks gift card.

If you have any questions, feel free to go to my website and send me a message! Thanks for watching. :)

May Scentsy giveaway ...

www.heather-marie.scentsy.ca

Ever wonder what "Scentsy" is?? Well now's a good time to ask!!

Go to my website above and send me your mailing address AND email address in the MONTH OF MAY for your name to be entered in a draw to win a $20 Starbucks Gift card. The purpose of this is so that I can mail you the scent and flyer of the month. You never have to buy anything ... it's my gift to you! And should you wish to buy anything, feel free to contact me. The winner of the gift card will be announced and mailed to the lucky winner June 1st, 2012.

** This offer is available to Canadian residence only.

AND as a bonus ... anyone wishing to "Join my Team" and become their own Independent Scentsy Consultant, for the MONTH OF MAY only, you will automatically get a $20 Starbucks gift card as well. If ever you were interested in becoming an entrepreneur, consider looking into Scentsy. They are on the Forbes top successful business list. I'd think that says alot! :)

Good Luck!!
Heather ~

100 crashing jetliners ...

i started writing this blog over a week ago and just couldn't finish ... mainly because i felt a sense of overwhelming emotion.  but also partially because i felt like my words did the situation no justice.  but this weekend, when i originally committed the day to some much needed studies, i find my heart pulled back to this very subject once again.  here is how my original blog started ...

"imagine that you woke up this morning to the following headline '100 jetliners crash killing 26,500 people.' now imagine the next day 100 more planes crash, and a hundred more the next day and the next. it is unimaginable that something this terrible could happen. but it did. and it does. it happened today and it happened yesterday and it will happen again tomorrow. more than 26,500 people died yesterday from preventable causes directly related to their poverty. and it will happen again today, tomorrow, and the day after that." - Richard Sterns from the book "Hole in Our Gospel".

For the longest time i was aware of things that went on in the world.   i, like you, would see those commercials of frail unfed children who, with your support, could have a nutritious meal a day.  numbly i would watch for a few moments then change the channel.  i can't really explain it or know for certain what happened, but approximately 3 or 4 years ago when hearing world hunger and starvation stats ... my heart broke.  not just a little, but entirely.  i'm not one for showing my tears in front of others, but this time, there was no ability to hold back.  it was my trip to Guatemala in 2010 that did me in (in a good way).  living there for 8 months and seeing first hand the people and the living conditions they were in made it all very real.  since returning, i'll admit it has been somewhat a struggle.  no longer was a "normal" life satisfying.  no longer have the "comforts" of 4 walls and a warm clean bed satisfied me.  but rather, my heart has been left searching for a way to reach out.  to be a hand of help to those who have little from a had who (in their eyes) has very much. 

yes, there are so many needs in our own community, let alone in the entire world.  i know it can seem overwhelming.  but one thing we can all attest to is that we are very blessed.  but in some countries, something as simple as clean drinking water is non-existent.  please watch this beautifully put together video that shows some statistics in just one small area of Africa ...

i don't believe everyone needs to get on a plane to help the world.  really the internet has allowed us to bring places across the world into our own homes for free!  i was searching the internet this past week watching video's on people who have gone to 3rd world countries for the experience of it and their lives have changed ... but the lives of the people there still remain the same.  one thing i want to help do even if i never go to Africa (although i wouldn't be surprised to find myself there one day), is i'd like to be able to help build a well.  JAM International is an organization that is legit and very familiar to me.  i trust the people who run the organization (Peter and Ann Pretorius) and they often come to Windsor to share what they are doing there.  JAM feeds 690,000 children a day but they are not only feeding the people ... their slogan is "Helping Africa Help Itself".  this is so important - helping Africa to be independent, building the area, so they don't only have others to depend on.  one program they have in place is to build wells.  it costs $12,000CAD to build a well for one community.  as one person this can seem quite overwhelming (not all of us have 12 grand in our back pocket).  BUT if just 50 people committed to giving $20/month for 1 year ... that is one well built!!  and one entire community changed for life!!

Please go to this website to see for yourself and to hopefully come on board.  it's a Canadian organization so you will receive an income tax receipt for any donations over $20.  i, by no means, would ever want someone to give out of guilt, but rather out of the desire to help others and give them the ability to live a healthy life. 

JAM International - "Helping Africa Help Itself" (programs)

HERE'S THE CHALLENGE - so in saying all of that, i want to put out a Challenge.  i want to see if there are 49 other people out there who would like to "build a well" together.   each person would be completely accountable for themselves - each of us to go online and donate $20/month for 1 year starting May 1st.  if "Kony" can get the recognition of over a million people in only a few months ... imagine what we can build for a community in one year!!  Will you be one to make a difference? 

a mom's scentsy review ...

I just fell upon this article today and thought it was a great write up. I liked it so much that, assuming I remember - lol - I'm going to do the same thing. I already have a deal going on starting April 1st-20th, 2012 but this will probably be the next one. I love doing give-aways so this is perfect! :)

Scentsy Wickless Candle Warmer Review & Giveaway!

Can you believe I’ve never tried Scentsy? Well, the time has come and I’ve finally tried it and now understand all the excitement. As you know I’ve talked about how my house burned down 5 years ago. I use to LOVE burning candles and always had several going at one but since the fire there is a fear that surrounds them for everyone in our family. Around Christmas I placed several around the house and lit them when we in that room but we had an uneasy feeling about the entire time.

So, what do you do? You look into Scentsy! It’s a flameless, wickless candle warmer that is heated with a light bulb – not a flame. It’s simple to use, fashionable, and turns off with the flick of a switch. No worrying about needing to walk out of the room to go do something. Just changing over the laundry with a pet and kids would give me a heart attack with a candle going.

Using a Scentsy Warmer is incredibly easy.

How it Works
Using your new Scentsy warmer is simple! Our authentic Scentsy warmers use a low-watt bulb to slowly melt specially formulated wax. With no flame, smoke, or soot, the Scentsy wickless candle system is a safe way to enjoy Scentsy fragrances.

Plug in the light bulb and place the top tray back over it.

Take your choice of Scentsy Bar out and break off however many pieces you want to melt. I started with two. I placed them this morning and it’s been going all day. There are tons of choices to chose from!

Place the Scentsy Bar pieces on top of the warmer tray.

Turn on the switch (plug it in of course). The length of the cord is pretty long.

Give it a bit of time and you’ll notice the cubes start to melt and the aroma fill the air.

You’ll still get your glow factor too! I am definitely impressed with Scentsy! I’ve been using a different version of this that required the use of a tea light and I’m very happy to give up the flame. Even better I can smell this throughout my entire first floor when it’s on. My old one failed to even make it to the next room. I’ll definitely be on the hunt for a local Scentsy Consultant as it’s not carried in stores.